Leaving a place and moving on to a new one has always been emotionally a bit of a struggle for me. Changes around me make me feel many feelings at the same time. Now, time has come, I leave Kalamata for this time. …the emotional carousel is on.

The whole range of feelings approach me again. All feelings at the same time. I feel happiness and sadness, lukewarm tears stroke my face, for a short while, lingering on my smiling lips before they enter my mouth and land on my tongue. The precious moments of the past make me taste the salty emotions of life. Cold tears pour from the sky, also landing on my tongue but with a sweet taste reminding me of the many precious moments to come.

It is the uniqueness of the very moment that makes it beautiful…let the sunshine from the moments spread its golden light on you back and lift you to higher levels.

I am in between the past and the future. I am in this very moment soaked by the contrasting feelings of life, of ending a chapter and entering a new.
I feel happiness and sadness, I feel full and empty. I feel inspired to meet the future at the same time as a part of me wants to hold on to the past full of wonderful memories. A past full of heat and pleasure, of cold and pain. The past of infinity and nothingness experienced with limitless love and passion.

I feel so blessed and so fortunate, so grateful for everything that I have, and don’t have. So grateful for everything that is a part of my life. I am grateful for what is not a part of my life any more but that added golden shimmer to the moments.
It is the fact that these moments will never come again that makes them precious. It is the uniqueness of the very moment that makes it beautiful. Let go, even of what is precious. Let the sunshine from the moments spread its golden light on you back and lift you to higher levels.

I am leaving a chapter, entering another. It is overwhelming. The whole range of feelings approach me again. All feelings at the same time.
I let it rain.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-11-17
Somewhere in between, Earth

It has come to be quite many texts, posts and quotes since I started writing this blog. I am happy to have a platform to share my thoughts. In this post I have selected 10 quotes about life that I want to share with you.

Peace & Reflection

“The more peace we have within our own lives, the more we can reflect into the outer world. Without reflection, we go blindly on our way. Find what brings your peace, find time to reflect, and your way will appear both bright and clear.”

Posionous Beauty

“Discover and explore all the beauty of the world. Enjoy it through the eyes of curiosity and true passion. Though, don’t be seduced or blinded by beauty because even beauty can be poisonous. Keep a distance, stay true to yourself. What is most beautiful is within you. The love and beauty within yourself.”

Find the Balance

“Everyone must find their own stability and get to know what conditions are best for themselves and grow from there. Build your own foundation, find your balance and fly.”

Breath In & Refuel

“Take the time you need to refuel. Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale the future, exhale the past and embrace the very moment towards extraordinary achievements.”

Live Your Life

“Realize and live the life you only dream about. Dare to step out of your comfort zone. Explore your self as well as the world around you. Life is happening now.”

Clarity of Mind

“The mind is like water, when it is turbulent it is difficult to see. When it is calm everything becomes clear. Find your peace and clear your mind.”

Self Love

“Always remember to be kind to your self. Being kind to your self starts with showing self love. By unconditional love for your self you will be able to accept who you are and what you are. You will be able to forgive and move on. Move on with a smiling heart.”

Solitude

“Stillness and solitude introduces you to the secrets of your self.”

Consuming Progress

“The extreme focus on the outside inhibits our ability to come closer to life. It consumes us until we don’t know who we are except from our apparition as a reflection in the mirror.”

Let the Storm Clear

Whatever storm you may be facing, remember that you are so much bigger than it is. Find hope in the knowledge that you can and will recover. Restore peace, regain trust, and recognize your will to keep moving. You are clear, bright and steady. The storm is just the conditions around you. Let it clear and meet the new version of your self on the other side.”

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-10-29
Kalamata, Greece

The story below is the freediving story of my first 18 months while entering the world of competitive freediving. In the text I also chose to share some of my general thoughts that have grown through my freediving experience.

Love for the fourth element

I grew up in a big family in Sweden, all of us with a mutual love for the water. My childhood memories are mainly related to happy moments by rivers, lakes or even at the pool or at sea. Most of my weekends and holidays were head underwater as I always preferred to stay below the surface, going deep and being a part of the water. It was my playground, where I felt relaxed and always naturally safe. I guess, my life as a freediver started as a child with the true love for being surrounded by the water, the fourth element.

Introduced to freediving

In the autumn of 2016, I started with freediving, after many years of running and working out at the gym, I wanted to do something different. In 2016, I found a freediving club in Gothenburg and started to train pool freediving. Since I had been doing other competitive sports and performed on a stage during almost all my childhood and teenage years I was used to the situation of competitions and handling the nerves before and during a performance. I joined some competitions, I was quite good at it even as a beginner and I really liked it.

Photos by: Elin Larsgren

Passion & Results

Freediving is a single person sport but still you need a buddy to be there for you. For me freediving is about trust, trusting yourself and trusting your buddy. I was lucky to find that buddy. During the winter of 2016 and spring of 2017 my training became more serious. From the start my buddy believed in my capacity and understood my needs. Through the buddy relation I found a freediving friend who lifted me in the way I needed to be lifted and grounded when I needed to slow down. I am very good at pushing myself and don’t need someone to push me. So, our personalities worked well together, we were balanced, and both of our results improved through the understanding of each other’s needs and our passion for freediving.

…I broke the Swedish national record in DYN twice with 206 and 210 meters….I realized I had become an elite freediver…

We joined many competitions, both national and international. My progress was good, and the results improved fast. In the Swedish Championship in Pool Freediving 2018 I placed first in all three disciplines and hence my first overall victory in the nationals. In the following AIDA Word Championship in Pool Freediving in June 2018 I broke the Swedish national record in DYN twice with 206 and 210 meters. This happend in less than 18 months of dedication. I realized I had become an elite freediver.

Freediving approach

I happen to be the kind of person that is satisfied with neither good or better. I always want to be the best of myself. This approach leads to very good results, but it also has a backside. It is easy to break down in success or on the way to this objective. This is when it is important to remember that passion must come from within and not from the obsession of achieving external results. Expectations from yourself and people around can easily turn a harmonious passion to something destructive.

The line between harmonious passion and obsessive passion is not always clear…is important to do be responsive and aware.

To achieve good results, focus must be on the process and not the result itself. With that way of thinking there is nothing called failure, only lessons learned. It has been a challenge to keep it on a balanced level since freediving is a passion for me and at the same time it had led to great external results. The line between harmonious passion and obsessive passion is not always clear. When entering a world with focus on results it is important to do be responsive and aware.

Thoughts through freediving

Freediving has led me to evolve both physically and mentally on a level that I couldn’t even imagine before I started. The references for what are hassles have been moved through my experiences and achievements within freediving. It is extremely exciting to explore and get to know myself deeper on the mental level and find the connections to the physical performance as I do through freediving. I reflect a lot about mindset and mental and physical health. Through my experiences I see parallels between freediving and life itself. I want to be present and aware, take the time I need for reflection and recovery. Through freediving I learn how to approach life itself, to be in the present moment, here and now through the act of awarenss. Freediving has become my lifestyle: A lifestyle that starts with being kind to myself.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-10-18
Kalamata, Greece

In the post Lifechanger I explained that the text was a short a simplified version of everything that have happened the last months. Many of the circumstances that made me come to the decision of changing my life was not even mentioned, there are many details not being told. This post is about the acceptance given from the people around.

Prioritizing

I started training and competing pool freediving exactly three years ago. From the first training session, I was hooked. I started freediving because I wanted a new form of training, but freediving ended up being my only focus. My family and friends were by my side, they could see how freediving started changing my life. They could see the transformation. From the first training, I changed my priorities. I started always prioritizing freediving training and competition instead of dinner, party or even weddings. This have not always been appreciated. Some people see it as a sacrifice, but I don’t like that word. What I do, is simply making choices prioritizing with the help of my intuition. Freediving have been prioritized on many levels for many reasons since it has become my entire life style.

For me, to be accepted as I am, is the most beautiful gift of love someone can give me.

Acceptance

The consequences have not always been the easiest to handle. The people around me have not always understood the choices I have made. Though, they have accepted and respected them. They have accepted me going my way and welcomed me with open arms when we meet. Without the acceptance from family and friends the journey would not have been the same.

It is important to be able to follow the intuition that comes from within without being compared and questioned by the people around. I have realized, to be accepted and to accept the choices of others are the key for healthy relations. Relations without attachments, wishing the best for the other, relations where letting go is a way of expressing love, these are, for me, real love relations. Some people have the strength to live with this way of seeing things and I am happy to be a part of their lives. For me, to be accepted as I am, is the most beautiful gift of love someone can give me.

…expect the best and accept everything.

I am grateful

I’m lucky to have beautiful people in my life, who see how important the freediving is to me and what it does to me. People who allow me to be who I am. I am eternally grateful for my life and to be part of some people lives even if it often means that I am in the periphery. Without many of these people, I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am today, this very moment. I take nothing or no one, for granted. I expect the best and accept everything.

Want to read more?

The Shape of Deep Freediving, Balance Life, Harmonious or Obsessive Passion? are some posts if you want to read more about my thoughts and reflections around freediving.
Follow me on instagram if you want to be updated with more photos and shorter texts @nicoleedensbo.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-10-01
Kalamata, Greece

A freediver friend wrote to me during the summer to tell me how I inspired her, when she heard about that I had decided to dedicate 100% of my time to freediving for six months. She told me she was interested to hear about the thoughts behind it and asked me to write a post about the process that led me to the decision of booking this one-way ticket to Greece.

A life style

There are so many things that played a part in all of this. First of all, the freediving that started as a hobby has become a lifestyle to me. It is not only something I do for some hours in the evening. It is the way I think and the way I act. Simply, freediving is the way I live and want to live.

Freediving releases tension, clears the mind and makes me relax. The first time I felt this I fell in love with freediving.

Inner experience

When I do freediving there is nothing else in my mind, neither the past nor the future, I am here and now. When I’m not freediving, I tend to plan too much, and I tend to have too many things in my head already set. This hinders me from living the very moment. When freediving I am where I am, in time and space as well as in my thoughts. Freediving to me is a form of meditation. It releases tension, clears the mind and makes me relax. The sensation of freediving must be experienced, to be understood. These are reasons why I want to do my training and want to come back again and again, the immediate rewards of awareness. The first time I felt this, was the first time I fell in love with freediving.

External achievements

Since going to the pool doing freediving made me relax I started prioritizing freediving as much as I could. I started freediving the autumn of 2016 as another form of training. I had spent many years working out at the gym and running in the forest and wanted to try something different. I tried competitive freediving, I really liked it and I was quite good at it, even as a beginner. During the winter and spring of 2017 my training became more serious. I spent a lot of time in the pool together with my amazing buddy Valle, who always believed in my capacity. In the summer of 2017 I joined my first Swedish Championship and after that, several more national and international competitions with great results. My progress was good, and the results improved. In the AIDA Word championship of pool freediving I broke the Swedish national record in DYN with 210 meters. The competitive freediving that I saw as something temporary was not temporary anymore.

I tried to convince myself that the next competition would be the last. Evidently, this was not the way things went. My passion only grew.

Not temporary

During spring 2019 I realized that this thought of freediving being temporary was a lie both to myself and to my loved ones. The mix of the inner sensations and the external achievements really caught me. For a long time, I tried to convince myself that the next competition would be the last. Evidently, this was not the way things went. My passion only grew. Sponsors showed their interest in cooperating with me. During this spring (2019) I realized that I wanted to do deep freediving more seriously and I had a one-of-a-kind opportunity to train and compete together with Michel, an outstanding freediver with a lot of experience and knowledge. I could not close my eyes to this opportunity, this call, and things happened very fast. The decision was not simple, but I never doubted it was right one. I had to try this. To live freediving 100%.

The inner experience and the external achievements work like wood on a fire and still, there is a lot of wood to keep the fire burning.

There is more

In this simplified, and very short, explanation there are so many details not being told. I have not mentioned the importance of the understanding and the acceptance given from the people around me. The actions of people that I know and don’t know. The belief from people who see my capacity. The uplifting words and the invitations to see new worlds. I choose to mention the two biggest factors, which are the inner experience and the external achievements. They both work like wood on a fire and still, there is a lot of wood to keep the fire burning. The fire is my passion. My insatiable passion for freediving.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-08-16
West Messinia, Greece

The whole body strives for balance every second, every day, throughout life. This applies from the smallest elements to the balance as you explore a new path or even yourself. If you get out of balance, a change may be required to not fall. Maybe the change is fighting or to let go of the challenge at the moment to come back stronger and succeed.

A faltering exercise

Imagine that you stand straight on one leg with your head up and your hands down. Maybe it is something you are used to and do not see as a challenge. Most likely it was not as easy the first time you tried but you have learned how keep the balance. You may not even need to focus or work very much with your muscles to be able to stand still in this upright position. Probably you can easily catch a ball or simply pour a glass of water from a jug while in this position. You have simply learned how to keep the balance in that particular exercise. Hence as soon as you start stretching any arm or moving the one leg you have in the air, you need to start straining. When you move your leg, you need to balance the weight of it with another part of your body. You need to focus, and your muscles need to be more active. You must be present in your thoughts to not lose balance and fall. A new exercise requires focus and more strength. It requires presence and responsiveness.

Imagine the same exercise but now you stretch both hands to the front and one of your legs straight backwards. Do this with one foot on the ground and stretch until cannot stretch anymore. Be as long as you can in an horizontal position. The more you stretch, the greater is the risk of losing balance. In this position, if something affects you, even though it normally is simple to deal with you might lose the balance. Something as simple as catching a ball or pour a glass of water from a jug might be hard to deal with this time. The farther from the midpoint and the original balance you move, the less distaction k s needed to get out balance. The more you stretch the easier to fall. It requires focus and more strength to cope with the same strain compared to when you stood straight up in the exercise you were used to.

What do I want to say?

It is stressful to balance out there, therefore sometimes you need to calm down and not constantly expose yourself to new challenges and impressions. I feel that life is working this way always. Exposing yourself to the extreme makes the presence extra important to maintain the balance. In the extreme, the consequences of losing the balance might also be bigger and create more pain. To back a little bit to start again can be a good option. To start with something small. Sometimes you need to curl up into a small ball and not demand so much of yourself. To give yourself time to recover, releasing the need for control and just be. Give space to reflect, explore and find the strength. Perhaps the big impressions and progress come when doing the least effort. Maybe that is more than enough? To abstain the challenges even though they are tempting is a challenge itself. Dare to relax, to find yourself also in the simple things. Grow slowly until you are ready again to stretch out your wings.

Sometimes you need to curl up into a small ball and not demand so much of yourself.

Create a foundation

The foundation is crucial. Find a plateau. Find a stability in what is new and enter the new challenges when you have found the balance. If the foundation is not stable, you can probably do something fantastic but probably not reach the most extraordinary achievements and neither anything in the long-term. Take your time and be patient. Create a sustainable structure where you are strong in yourself. Grow. Be small and grow again. Learn how to find the balance through the experience. Be present and perceptive. Be aware. Keep the concentration and control for a while and then let go. Everyone must find their own stability and get to know what conditions are best for themselves and grow from there. Build your own foundation. Find your balance and fly.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-08-08
West Messinia, Greece

Can an interest or a hobby be addictive? I find freediving being addictive to me in many ways. Maybe it has to do with what happens inside. The way it opens doors and presents new worlds.

Stay

Freediving truly is a drug. It is a drug and it is addictive. From the inner experience to the external achievements, freediving is addictive and it doesn’t let go. It is like the depths of the ocean. The deeper you go, the more the laws of nature want you to stay.

Unfolded heart

Freediving opens your eyes and unfolds your heart. It teaches you of when to hold on and when to let go. It invites you to experience life from new perspectives and new dimensions. The hairline limit between dreaming and being awake is faded out when entering the world of total relaxation and awareness.

“…See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know, how far I’ll go…”

Lifechanger

Freediving, truly, is a drug at least to me, it is an addictive drug. The 1^st of July, one month ago, I did let go. I let go of my family, my home, my job, my country to do this. I let go of all this, because freediving tells me to go on. There is more to see, more to explore with all the senses.

I have a friend, who asked me to write a post about how I came to this decision. There are many factors. Soon I will publish a post explaining some parts, that made me come to this decision.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-07-30
Athens, Greece

From the few sessions of deep freediving I have had, I have realized that deep freediving and pool freediving are not the same. What they have in common is the water, the one breath and the divine experiences. The experiences are divine in different ways. Awareness and patience are the keys to find the shape of deep freediving.

Let go with awareness

If pool freediving is about holding on, deep freediving is about letting go. Letting go of your tension, letting go of your fears, letting go of yourself. It is about surrendering to the powers of the ocean and welcome them with a loving heart. This must be done with awareness, self-knowledge and respect by knowing and feeling every inch of your body. Every second and every meter you must stay in contact with your whole body, feel the flow of sensations, during your dive.

Let go of your fears and surrender with love in your heart.

Love & Respect

Let go of your fears and surrender with love in your heart. Trust your abilities, relax and listen. Do this with true love, appreciation and respect to yourself and the ocean will treat you the same way. Never try to tame the ocean. If you fight it, it will fight you back.

When you are ready to be reshaped the ocean will help you to do so.

Let the ocean shape you

When you are ready to be reshaped the ocean will help you to do so. Welcome the embrace from the ocean in all dimensions all over your body, mind and spirit. Be a natural part of the positive vibrating flow that moves you on your path. Let the ocean shape you slowly in the way it transforms a sharp piece of broken glass into a precious gem.
Be aware and be patient. Slowly you will take the shape of deep freediving.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-07-15
West Messinia, Greece

The following text is inspired by a conversation with a friend. My friend had found herself never prioritizing her own needs. She always prioritized work, family and friends before herself. She said “…I just want to feel good. I just want to have the strength to live…” This text is summarizing some of my thoughts regarding this issue. I hope it can help others in similar situations.

Endless comparison

In this world we live in it is very easy to compare your own life with the life of others. You can compare with almost 8 billion people on this earth and there will always be someone who is in a situation more extreme than yours. Someone will be more successful, more kind or going through bigger trauma than you. Better or worse, this does not mean that your abilities are not amazing, or that who you are is not enough, or that your emotions are not real.

When did money become more important than our own existence?

Social status and profit?

I have met so many people who suffer because they see this and prioritize other things but themselves. Very often they prioritize social status, projects and profit over their mental and physical wellbeing and health. They simply value popularity, progress and money higher than their own existence. When did money become more important than our own existence?

What do you want?

Many people also prioritize others before themselves which is natural, and a good thing if they are also being able to care for themselves. For the moment it might be easier to focus on the need of others and put their own needs aside, instead of trying to listen and understand their own emotions.

Listen to your inside. What do you need?

Stop comparing with the rest of the world and stop being ashamed of your own needs. To prioritize and be kind to yourself is not equal to harming and being rude to others. Listen to your inside. What do you want? What do you need? Stay in contact with your spirit and your body. You are the main character in your own life and you are the one responsible for it. Prioritize yourself and your wellbeing. Accept what you are and who you are. Accept yourself without comparison.

An art

It is an art to prioritize yourself, especially when it is so easy to compare with others and be judged by the others through the eyes of expectations from society. Prioritizing yourself is considered selfish and is not always associated with something positive. It is not the most simple and best solution for everyone around you in all situations, but it is the best solution in the long run for everyone. After prioritizing yourself and your wellbeing it is easier to help others fully.

You are enough

Be aware of who you are and what your needs are. Everyone has different issues to work with and different needs. The first step is to close your eyes, breathe, and listen to yourself, your inner self. Remember, you are good enough just as you are, without any performance.
Get to know yourself. Be patient.

Be kind to your self, be kind to others.

Nicole Edensbo, 2019-07-09
Athens, Greece